I’ve Lost a Friend… And it Sucks.

My friends are precious to me.  Throughout my twenties I had a lot of different kinds of friends.  Ones I see on Friday nights for drinks, work friends, friends from high school I see once or twice a year.  But, there were a lot of them.  I could always call the right one for the right event.

Fast forward ten years.  A happy marriage, two kids with one more on the way, a move across states, and living back in the city I grew up in after a eight years. Things are different.  I still keep in touch with many of my friends from me twenties (thanks to social media), but I have had to work hard to cultivate new and meaningful relationships with women that I can connect with.  Often, because my life is consumed by my children, most of my friends are my ‘mommy’ friends.

friendship-3
The best of the best. This is what friendship for over 15 years looks like.

And I love them.  We can vent about our kids/husbands/lack of sleep/ need for wine, ect….and we all GET each other. In theory we support each other and give each other a little slack.  We all realize that plans sometimes get broken last minute due to sick kids, working husbands and pure unadulterated exhaustion.

But sometimes things go wrong.  Wires get crossed.  One little thing gets way out of hand. Feelings and egos get hurt.

This recently happened to me and it sucks.

I’ve lost a friend.  I know what you might be thinking….just apologize if you miss her! I’ve already apologized….and there is still bad feelings.  Even though I think things we both said things that need to be taken back….I just wanted to move on. But it didn’t seem to work.  Things are not the same and maybe will never be. I don’t want to get into details about what happened, but the root of it was stupid.  Really stupid.  In my mind I didn’t understand why the next day we both couldn’t say something like: ‘Hey! I never meant for that to hurt your feelings….lets just move on!’ But it didn’t happen that way.

I thought I was  pretty kind and passionate (and maybe a little over-sensitive and temperamental) person…..but I guess I still have some growing to do.

Over the years I’ve realized that some friends are only meant to be in your life for a certain stage of life……people move on, but usually not after a fight.  People grow apart and I get that. But this was shocking and abrupt.  I’m sad and hate that there is no closure.  Just nothing.

While I have a bruised ego and unanswered questions, I realize I can’t make someone be my friend who isn’t interested in it. Being right isn’t necessarily the best outcome if it is more important then the person.  If we both can’t have a sense of empathy for each other’s feeling….then maybe it wasn’t the friendship I thought it was.

So, while I will keep my heart open for the future, right now I’ll just concentrate on fostering the relationships in my life that want our friendships to grow.  Like I said, my friends are precious to me.  I don’t know how long any of them will last. So I’ll just treat each one like it will be lifelong.

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11 thoughts on “I’ve Lost a Friend… And it Sucks.

  1. I went through this a few years ago with a group of mom friends I was very very close to. These women were my tribe and a misunderstanding and hurt feelings dissolved our once-tight bond. I felt like I was mourning the loss of our friendship. It gets easier, mama. Hang in there.

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  2. This is so true- I’ve lost friends and I agree with how some are in your life for only a season. It’s best to move on without feeling hurt or feeling guilty if you were the one that hurt them. If you’ve done your part in apologizing, it’s really up to them accept it and for them to move on too. Sorry this happened, it sucks. 😦

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  3. I’m so happy this recently happened to you. Last year I lost a long time friend of nearly 15 years and it was a painful experience. Especially because many incorrect assumptions had been made. But I appreciate the time we had and am thankful for the people I have in my life now. Some friendships are for a season…

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  4. I am so sorry you lost a friend, but I find myself wondering how good a friend she really was if she’s not able to be a forgiving friend. Honestly you may just be better off. Despite it sucking, I am certain you will find a great friend and one who will value you as you deserve.

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