I read something that really bothered me the other day. It was from a blog about motherhood (I don’t remember which one). That this particular mom said that she has to asks her husband for permission to buy a dress for herself. Not discusses it with him, or checks in if it is within budget, but actually asks him if it is okay.
He had the power to say yes or no.
She also asks her husband permission if she can go out for a girls night and if it is okay for her to invest in her blog. And she said that he also asks too……but then went on to say that since she is a stay at home mom and doesn’t earn any money that she feels it is respectful to do.
That is where I wanted to punch my computer screen.
Now, I am all for discussions with my husband about expenditures. I actually think it is an important to have that kind of communication. Money can create all kinds of problems if not dealt with properly. But we treat each other with respect and consideration. She made it seem as though he has the ultimate power in the relationship and they are not equals. That bothers me. If she was working outside the home would she have to ask? I’m not sure.
My husband and I made the decision together for me to stay at home. I feel that even though I don’t actually make a paycheck, I am a total equal in every aspect of our relationship. As is he.
We don’t ask each other permission for anything. I am not a child. He is not in charge of me. If I had to ask him for money or if it was okay if I get coffee with my friend I don’t think our marriage would have worked out.
I’m not saying I go around buying diamonds and cars everyday (but that sounds fun)! I am capable of looking at our bank account and knowing if it’s in our budget to buy a pair of jeans or a new dress.
Honestly in life when I hear a mom friend or acquaintance say….’sure, just let me ask my hubby’ it makes me cringe. Again, I all for discussions and very open communication but asking permission from your equal drives me nuts.
Why do some women do it? Do they really do believe the man is the head of the household and has ultimate control? Do they believe it is not really their money? Or is it the simple fact they lack confidence in their own decision making skills?
I am not making these points to make anyone feel bad or angry. This is just not my normal and I don’t understand it.
I have been told that it is a sign of respect to their husband. I don’t buy it. Respect is a two way street.
Is permission just another word for discussion? Or, is it actually giving all of the decision making about your life to another person?
What do you think? Do you ask permission from your husband?